5 Subject Notebook

Each and every week (or so), I will discuss five topics, most of which will be about entertainment. This is the second column.

1. OSCAR “PRIVILEGE”

The morning before the Oscars, I happened across a New York Times opinion piece that confused me. Essentially, the article argued that Oppenheimer was undeserving of Oscar consideration because it fails the diversity requirements. The Times’ reasoning was as follows: a biopic about the man behind the secret development of the atomic bomb - is “centered around powerful and privileged men who work at the nation’s most elite academic institutions.”

That is what we in the entertainment biz call “crazy pants.” Many of the men depicted in the movie, including Oppenheimer, were Jewish. I don’t know if you’re a history buff, but this movie takes place in the 1940s, wherein Jews were in not just a little danger considering a German dictator set out to ethnically cleanse all Jewish people from the planet. The NYT Times, however, suggested that Jewish scientists - many of whom escaped the concentration camps - were “privileged?” They were not. Not even in America. President Roosevelt didn’t want Jewish Holocaust survivors. Jews were not allowed in many higher institutions. America was only a few years removed from Father Coughlin, a precursor to both televangelists and racist talk show hosts, who regaled a whole third country with a radio show detailing the evils of Jewish Bolsheviks, the Jewish space lasers of its time.

The point is: Jews were not exactly at the top of the social hierarchy. Does the NY Times think it’s helping other minorities by saying otherwise? Crazy pants.

2. SHOGUN

This is a one act play based on my experience watching this show so far:

[The stage is set with Jon sitting comfortably on his couch. He readies some popcorn on the armchair and takes off his socks, digging his feet under a pillow.]

JON: [thinking] Oh man, I’m really excited. This is going to be a quality limited series. It’s based on a best-selling book that Hollywood has tried to adapt before, but with the technology we have now, and with the higher budget, the filmmakers can really do this project justice. Prestige TV here I come!

[Jon turns on the TV.]

[On the TV (CAPTION): The year is 1600-]

[Jon is asleep.]

[The next night.]

[Jon gets comfortable on his couch. He turns on the TV and starts Shogun again.]

JON: [thinking] I must have been really tired last night. But I’m ready to go now. Oh yeah, this is going to be some fun but tasteful samurai action.

[On the TV (CAPTION): The year is 1600. For decades, Portuguese Catholics have richly profited from trade in Japan-]

[Jon is asleep.]

[The third night. Jon turns on the TV.]

JON: [thinking] Okay, I got my caffeine. I’ve pried my eyes open. Let’s go.

[On the TV (CAPTION): The year is 1600. For decades, Portuguese Catholics have richly profited from trade in Japan. They have kept its whereabouts hidden from its sworn enemies - the European Protestants.]

JON: [thinking] Yes, I’m still awake! You can’t go wrong with an opening scroll about a complex fictional trade conflict. Okay, now we’re on the pirate ship. The pirates look sad. Are they pirates? They’re talking about scurvy. They look grimy. Hmm. Don’t nod off, Jon. Don’t you dare nod off, Jon! You love prestige TV. You love it —

[Jon is asleep.]

(As of this writing, I’ve made it 25 minutes into the first episode. We’ll get there.)

3. SPIDER-MAN 2 FOR PLAYSTATION 5

I’m enjoying this game like nobody’s business. Even if you don’t like Spider-Man (hard to imagine), this game features a stunningly accurate recreation of NYC. It’s worth the price of admission just to swing around all your favorite Big Apple haunts. I’ve crawled over my old dorm room. I was reunited and it felt so good.

Anyway, this isn't a criticism, per se, but it’s known and understood that Spider-Man doesn’t take lives. That’s a webhead rule going back to 1962. However, in this game, Spidey might not kill, but he does completely HOUSE the enemy. Peter Parker and Miles Morales lay brutal blow after blow on anyone in their way, with ruthless efficiency, bone-cracking, vertebrae-snapping finishing moves, and in so doing, fill the city with a burgeoning population of quadriplegic henchmen. It’s intense. I’m not sure how any of these people aren’t dead, but Spidey is a pro, even if he’s not exactly ADA compliant.

4. JUDGES

I love courtroom dramas. It’s sad that real-life judges don’t say, “You’re treading on thin ice, counselor, but I’ll allow it.” They don’t say, “Overruled. Let’s see where this is going.” My favorite part of any legal drama is when the judge just allows weird stuff to go down because they have a sense of occasion.

Who is your favorite TV judge and why? (Comment below) My favorite is Amy from the show Judging Amy. I’ve never seen that show, but I like that the title suggests that she was judging other people while her close-knit circle was judging her. Oh, how the tables have turned! I think it won 87 Emmys, the most in history.

5. PAULA ABDUL’S COLD HEARTED “SNAKE”

Do you remember this sassy little number? It’s a classic, of course. I believe the real song title was always meant to be “Cold Hearted SLAVE,” not Snake.

So what is Abdul’s intent with this song? Why would she be talking about slavery? Don’t worry. She isn’t talking about human trafficking in the antebellum South. When she says “snake,” yes she means “slave,” but she is referring to what people in the sex industry call a “submissive” or a “bottom.” This is a person who - with their consent - gives up control and allows their partner to dominate them sexually.

This song is about a woman in a BDSM relationship with a male submissive who, it turns out, isn’t demonstrating or displaying any pleasure in the arrangement. He is a dead fish, AKA “cold-hearted,” and Paula Abdul warns the other mistresses around town - those women who enjoy being dominant - that this “slave” may look the part, but he doesn’t give enough of himself over to the experience and takes all the fun out of it. She doesn’t want these women to make the mistake she did.

He's a lover boy at play
He don't play by the rules, uh-oh
Girl, don't play the fool, no

A cautionary tale for all of us.